so lonely
I miss John. I do. I really really miss him. I was going through boxes yesterday to figure out what to take to UT and what to leave here and I came across a stuffed penguin he got me when we went to Boston last year (2 years ago?) and went to the Boston Aquarium. I saw that and just burst into tears. So much for my whole, I’m being strong and getting through this rhetoric. I miss everything about him, especially all his little annoying habits that drove me nuts. I really miss just laying in bed with him cuddling. We said that our hearts beat together as one, and it always seemed like they were in sync with eachother. Now my heart is finally breaking without him. I want to talk to him about everything. It’s been about 3 weeks and I can’t take it anymore. We have always been able to work things out. Why not now? Why not this? I know 3 weeks ago we were both throwing our hands up in the air in frustration, but now I want to work with him to be a team again.
I talk about going to Australia or to Italy but really these exeperiances are nothing if I don’t have someone to share them with. That’s why Europe was so fun this year - John was there to experiance it all with me. I want to go and do all that stuff like NOW but really I have to learn to be patient, I do have another 80 years infront of me why do I need to do it all when I’m 23?
I really just miss him. I sent him a PM on JC and told him that I would like to talk to him and for him to give me a call if he’s willing. I hope he does. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t call. I’m such a wreck right now.